


The Badger Versus Charlene

by loveheartlover



Series: A Werewolf In Love [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Fluff, Humor, M/M, and hufflepuffs are murderers, sirius black is a drama queen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-17
Updated: 2014-08-17
Packaged: 2018-02-13 15:07:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2155068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loveheartlover/pseuds/loveheartlover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: Wolfstar and crazy.</p>
<p>Remus wants to check in with his parents, but the snow and Sirius's flair for dramatics is getting in the way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Badger Versus Charlene

This was crazy.

Letting Sirius talk him into a trip into the village was stupid. Getting on the back of the damn bike had been utterly idiotic. Agreeing to go when it was still blowing a gale and snowing so thickly that they couldn't see more than a foot in front of them at any time, had been a step too far.

"I can't feel my fingers," Remus shouted, clinging tightly to the back of Sirius' jacket as they raced down deserted roads. 

"What?" Sirius shouted back.

"I said," Remus hollered, "I can't feel my- Oh forget it!"

"What?"

"FOR-GET IT!"

"What did you forget?"

"Oh for- WATCH OUT!" Remus yelped, burying his face in the back of Sirius's jacket and praying. The bike skidded, and slammed into a tree on the side of the road. Remus didn't move until he felt Sirius shudder.

"Well," Sirius said. "That was interesting."

"Did we kill it?" Remus asked, peering warily back towards the road. 

"I don't think so? What was it?"

"Badger."

"Oh Merlin," Sirius groaned. "It would be our luck to hit a badger. We'll go back to Hogwarts and all the Hufflepuffs will have sensed our bad deed. They'll rip us limb from limb, gouge out our eyes with spoons and eat them with honey, throw us off the tower and then, just for a laugh, they'll get the house elves to turn our mangled bodies into cottage pie that they'll feed to the Slytherins."

"Are you quite finished? Honestly, one bad experience with a Hufflepuff third year and-"

"She was insane, Moony! Actually, certifiably, completely off her rocker. When we broke up she slept outside the common room for two weeks! She owled me locks of her hair soaked in her own tears! She almost killed James's poor cat!"

"Yes, and then the headmaster had her sent for psychiatric assessment, remember? One bad experience does not define a house, Sirius Black."

Sirius grunted, unimpressed as he followed Remus back towards the road. He always had had a thing for the dramatics, Remus would have to see about getting him into a theatre program after they left Hogwarts. It'd be a waste not to let him on stage. Squinting through the snow, Remus let out a sigh of relief. Casually bumbling into the bushes, entirely unaware of its brush with death, was the back end of the badger. Remus could only assume the front end was still attached and leaving them free from being called badger murderers.

"I think this is a sign. We should just turn back now before we die on the back of that death trap."

"Don't talk about Charlene like that! Honestly, Moony, where's your sense of adventure? We're closer to the village than the Potters' now, let's just keep going."

It took another ten utterly terrifying minutes, but eventually they made it into the village. The pay phone was at the end of the street, so Remus left Sirius brushing the worst of the snow off his bike and inspecting the damage from the tree crash. Remus stacked twenty pence pieces on top of the box and began feeding them into the machine, forever grateful that his mother had decided to invest in a muggle telephone for emergencies just like this. Owls simply weren't reliable enough, and Remus's house didn't have a fireplace. She kept to her roots when it came to the practicality of the muggle world versus the wizarding.

"Hello?"

Remus smiled at his feet, leaning into the phone with a soft sigh. "Hi Dad. How's everything going?"

"Remus? We're good here, just buckling down to get through the storms. Your Mum's heart is holding out, the doctors think she'll be around for another few months, maybe even a year. She's having a nap right now, but I can wake her if you'd like?"

"No, it's okay, she needs her sleep. I just wanted to make sure everyone was okay."

"Well we're great. How are your friends?"

"They're... themselves. Peter turned James's eyebrows purple and we haven't been able to turn them back-"

"Lily will love that."

"That's what I said," Remus laughed. "Peter feels awful though, poor thing. We think Emilia could turn them back if she wanted to, but her and James's dad seem to think James looks good in that colour. She offered to make the hair on his head match."

"I always did like those two. What about Sirius, how's he?"

"A complete pain, like always," Remus said, as Sirius squeezed into the phone box with him. "He's the one who brought me into the village to use the phone."

"Well tell him thank you for us."

Remus didn't hang up until all of his change was gone, and even then he didn't try to get out of the phone box. Instead he tugged Sirius's coat open and then closed it with himself inside, grateful for the deserted streets. "You're freezing," Sirius hissed, pulling his scarf off and wrapping it around Remus's head, covering his ears. Remus knew he must look ridiculous, with the scarf knotted on top of his head, but he didn't care. There was no one but Sirius to see him. 

"I miss them," he said quietly.

"You can go home, if you want. Emilia will take you there, no bother. I can tell the others-"

"No, I want to stay with you all. It's just so hard, knowing she won't be around much longer. I feel like I should be with her all the time."

"You can't do anything to help," Sirius reminded him, voice oddly gentle in comparison to his usual brash tones. "I'm sorry Rem, but she's on so much medication now that she's barely lucid. I don't think she'd know whether you were there or not."

Remus nodded, wiping his eyes on Sirius's coat.

"Time to go back," Sirius prompted. "Charlene survived our fearsome badger attack, and the wind isn't as bad now. James has some firewhiskey he snuck out of his dad's study, so we can drink our troubles away. We can go mock his eyebrows. Hey, maybe we should dye ours too! Prongs is purple, so Peter could be orange, and you could be... turquoise! Yeah, to bring out your eyes. I'll be red and gold stripes  to wind Regulus up.  I won't even tell them about you wiping your nose on me."

"I didn't!" Remus protested, giggling feebly. "I was wiping my  _eyes_."

"Uh huh, sure you were. Come on snuffles, home time. We need to tell the others about the awesome eyebrow plan. Hey, we could make it a proper thing! Change the colour every week right up until our last day as sixth years. It'll be a laugh."

"If anyone should be called snuffles it's you," Remus argued as they returned to the bike. "All that sniffing whenever Padfoot goes for walks, it's insane. Anyone would think you were an actual dog!"

"Once the storms are over you should take Padfoot for a walk into the village. The kid's will love it."

"I could finally get you to have a bath," Remus said.

"I have baths!"

"I can make sure you use soap then."

"At this rate, Remus Lupin, you will wake up without any eyebrows whatsoever. Use soap indeed," Sirius muttered darkly, giving Remus his helmet to wear and kicking the motorbike into gear. 

Home time indeed.

 


End file.
